We live in a throw away culture. Not only is it easy to throw things away, but it’s also encouraged. Our economy is built on consumption more so than any other and thus we accept that even our most cherished devices are managed to obsolescence. We know it’s wrong but changing our habits has become hard if we expose ourselves to the constant reinforcement of needing the shiny new thing. I mean come on, that new iPhone has three-hundred and twelve cameras. It can film without you and chat with your nagging mother-in-law using AI. Hmm …. No, just no. Keeping up with the Jones’, whoever they may be. It extends to our relationships too.
Our mindfulness practice can be useful in several ways, and one is in the identification of false promise. People, choices, things, places, and so on. When we strengthen the intuition through mindfulness, we gain perspective on all our choices. We become aware that there is no such thing as throw away culture, it all goes somewhere. We also learn to deeply value the good people in our lives and recognize (that to re-learn again) that they too can struggle. When they do, how we choose to react can make all the difference. Choose repair, rejuvenation, re-collect on the principal components to replenish, over rejection.
The Hint: Fresh paint on something built well is better than newness for newness’ sake.
In the song ‘Built to Last’ Jerry Garcia sings:
‘There are times when you offend me
And I do the same to you
If we can’t or won’t forget
I guess we could be through
…
All these trials will soon be past
Look for something built to last’
In terms of quality construction, we are not necessarily talking about buildings, but customs, habits, and relationships too. It’s an active process that requires both architecture (vision) and engineering (execution), and, of course, maintenance. Consider that all relationships can fray or grow tiresome, everyone is going through their own experience after all, growing, learning, dying, emerging at different rates. It is natural that friction occurs. But if something is foundationally good, built on love and mutual respect, it is more than worth pausing and asking how you spruce it up once more. This could be a walk in a different wood or simply listening more or listening to something different (I’m loving the meditative sounds of The Jupiter Factor: Melodies from Mother Earth right now!). What sounds sooth you and bring to down to earth? What sounds remind you of what’s important?
Relationships are hard, they are never perfect and rarely built in equal parts in every sense. In that way, our relationships are puzzle pieces. They are built on tradeoffs, respect, acceptance, and love. One key may be to figure out how to return to love. This is what our practice is all about. The deep breath before action, the recognition that we don’t live in each other’s minds. You don’t need to mention that dirty fork in the sink if the principals the relationship is built upon are pure and sound. Let it go, smile, be thankful for those who we love. Before too long, all this, everything we know and see, ‘all these trials’, will pass. It is a clarifying thought we often keep too far from top of mind (post on death is forthcoming). And it can be terrifying, but it shouldn’t be. Life’s shortness is its sweetness after all, and a reminder that the good things are built to last, even when the paint chips.
Be Good to Yourself,
Ken
The Cultural Easton 