Like many professional career women and many of my female colleagues at Fairfield University, I made a decision not to have children. I do have stepchildren and grandchildren that I love dearly, several with which my husband and I get to spend time on a regular basis.
To them, I’m Yia Yia (Greek for grandmother) and my husband is Papou (Greek for Grandfather). They love us unconditionally, as we do them. I also have five nieces and three nephews with children of their own, who we see often.
I have approximately thirty five new writing and literature students every semester, who I become close with, often advising them with their professional pursuits and concerns. I’m truly blessed with an amazing family and career, and a life filled with children and young adults, with whom I have influence and investment.
The dilemma that presented itself during my prime child bearing years, as does for all women, was that if I had children, I wouldn’t have been able to complete my doctorate, particularly since I had to move to Pittsburgh. The task of getting a PhD, going to law or medical school, is so time consuming and intense, candidates basically have to give up their private and social lives for a significant period of time that it takes to complete such a program.
Likewise, If I had children when I finished my doctoral program, I wouldn’t have been able to pack up and go to China for a semester to teach Composition and Intro to American Literature at University of Shanghai. Neither would I have been able to fully pursue the career for which I worked so hard.
My husband John (who was willing and even eager to have a child) and I, both agreed that in lieu of having our own biological children, I should pursue my career, and we could travel in our 60’s and 70’s, which we have been doing. On the cusp of retiring, I still teach several courses online, and I’m still writing books and articles, which I love to do. Although it was an extremely tough decision, I feel that I ultimately made the right one.
Do I feel that I’m making less of a contribution to society as a “childless” person? On the contrary, I have the privilege as an educator to facilitate thousands of individuals’s critical and analytical thinking skills, and exposing them to different cultural literatures, histories and stories that make up the complex fabric of America.
In addition, I happen to organize many public awareness events and fundraisers for vital causes, most recently for Ukraine.
I do have friends who have pursued intensely involved careers and did have children, but it was not easy; In fact, tell me that they felt guilty not being as available as they could have been for their family. I also find it interesting that more and more millennials graduating college with bachelors and master’s degrees are putting off having children, if they decide to have them at all. Don’t panic, there will never be a baby shortage!
Many of my friends and colleagues who also didn’t have the time to have children and pursue such an involved career, are brilliant women, making their incredible marks on the world.
If anyone is clueless enough to draw the conclusion that women without children are somehow inferior, have less of a purpose, or are not as invested in the future of America, they are drastically mistaking. On the contrary, we have more time to pursue all of the above. Let’s not forget that there are also plenty of people who have children who aren’t good parents.
Motherhood is an amazingly difficult and admirable task for which we should have the utmost respect. And I do, totally and completely. But it is only one of the many paths and incredible accomplishments that women are free to pursue in their lifetimes.
The Cultural Easton 